Caelan Ernest

May 4

A beautiful hand-painted beaded curtain made of bamboo that separates the living room from the kitchen. When my roommate and I first moved into the apartment back in 2020, we wanted to make it feel like a home, so we purchased the curtain together. I love the way it filters light, and the rattle of music it makes when gliding through it.

What do you feel is your best piece of work?

There’s a poem titled “pink(ing)” in my debut collection, night mode, which I commonly refer to as the gut of the book. It was by far the most difficult poem to write in the collection. It’s formally strange, and visceral in its imagery, which are fundamental characteristics of night mode as a whole – but it never felt quite right to call “pink(ing)” the book’s heart. Writing it forced me to dive inward into past traumas that have bled into the present, are continue to bleeding.

I recently read “pink(ing)” for the very first time in front of a live audience during my book launch party, which was cathartic in ways I could never have anticipated. Even though I was performing in front of a full room, it felt as if I were reading this particular poem directly to a past me. A pink lineage, formed. Forged—

Engorged.

“pink(ing)” is the innards of my poetic being (up until this point) that I’ve allowed myself to offer outwardly, and for that reason, it’s my best piece of work so far.

What music have you been listening to lately?

Music is one of my biggest inspirations. Right now, I have these songs on rotation: “Half Moon” by Slic & OCTOGON; “Out of Me” by Donna Missal; “Right Down the Line” by Gerry Rafferty; “Kitsch” by IVE; “The River” by Daisy Jones & The Six; and much, much more (too much to include, but HMU directly for music recs).

Who is the last character you related to and why?

I don’t love to say it, but honestly, Daisy Jones from Daisy Jones & The Six, which I mentioned above. Between her passion and her impulsiveness–her ambition for more–I see a lot of myself in her, which has been eye-opening. For better and for worse.

In one episode of the TV series, Daisy’s closest friend Simone challenges her desire to leave the spotlight behind by reminding her that part of the reason she creates art is for the sake of connection. I think the same can be said of my own praxis—making poems, and finding community through the act of sharing them.

I’d like to add: In Daisy Jone’s case, she was performing with the band for thousands, if not millions of audience members. For me, if even one person picks up night mode and feels seen by it, that will be enough. Regardless, I feel seen in Daisy’s character because I truly think she’s feel the same–no matter how big the stage.

Have you ever failed at something you care about?

Yes, many times. But if it’s something that I truly care about—a love that’s meant to stick—I have to trust the process. I can’t afford to think that I won’t find my way back.

How much vitamin D do you take?

I could always use a little more sun in my life.

Last gift you received?

Probably a piece of advice that I didn’t want to hear.

Favourite photo?

Mark in the red car, Lexington, Mass (1979) by Nan Goldin.

When I look at it, it speaks to me as if to say, Hop in — I’m ready to take you on a night journey–I mean journey of your lifetime. Our skin will stick to the leather, red. We’ll go steady, I promise. You bring the shit with you, like you promised? Yes, we stick. We schtick.

Best season?

I’ve always been a summer girl at heart. I was raised by the ocean; I’m actually responding to these questions in the basement of my childhood home in Rhode Island. Whenever I visit, I feel like I return to a piece of myself that I didn’t even know I was missing.

I’m looking forward to the warmer weather ahead—those messy days on Riis beach with my crew are imminent.

What drives you?

Music, dancing, poetry, the ocean. In a way, they’re all the same, no? In their intertwining rhythms, I find ways to endure. To survive, despite.

Best outfit?

For my launch party for night mode, I splurged on a Jean Paul Gaultier dress that features the iconic painting “The Birth of Venus” by Sandro Botticelli. When I bit the bullet and bought it, I said to myself, “If not now, when?” I don’t know if I’m getting married anytime soon, so… (though if I were, I’m sure I’d buy another JPG outfit!)

I paired the dress with a yellow purse made from a cigar case that my mother gifted me; torn up Syro platform boots that’ve been worn with age; thick gold jewelry; cheap satin opera gloves; and thick teal eyeliner. I’ve never felt prettier.

I’m including a photo here, taken by the photographer and my dear friend Anna Louise.

Do you like to write in the morning or at night?

I wish I had more control over my writing routine, and perhaps it’s cheesy to say, but I write whenever the poetry comes. It’s that special, particular moment of rapture that can’t be forced.

But when the moment’s right and the magic is conjured, it’s bewitching, bewildering.

What do you consider to be your first rejection?

When I was younger, in Catholic school, and I thought I’d outgrow my queerness.

Where is the best place?

Shelter Harbor beach on a summer afternoon with my closest friends.

What’s an example of a good ending?

An opening. A rupture–

Latest book you’ve read or favourite book ever?

I’m currently reading Hit Parade of Tears by Izumi Suzuki (translated by Sam Bett, David Boyd, Daniel Joseph and Helen O'Horan). I’m absolutely loving it! The stories are surreal and strange, and it’s so easy to get sucked into Suzuki’s punk, iconoclastic vision. I think I could live there forever.

Anything you’d like to promote?

I mentioned it a couple of times in this interview already, but I have a new book just out from Everybody Press called night mode, which you can order here:

https://everybodypress.com/products/night-mode-by-caelan-ernest